Rude E-mail #05792 - I sent you a picture of my cock because I'm looking for friends!

This was almost too good. I want to frame this one. It's a pity My previous blog was shut down with no ability to regain most of My previous posts (FUCK YOU, TUMBLR!). Because this has to be one of the crowning achievements of advertising response, and I wish it could join the ranks with the rest of them. However, this is the first "Rude Email" series post I do, so I'm actually also quite happy it's this excellent.

I post ads everywhere. In all of My ads, I specify that I'm looking for visitors to My dungeons or people to teach. I also specify no organic sexual contact, usually three times in My ad, to be sure there is no confusion. My ad is clear, concise about what I expect (an attempt at proper writing, a polite approach, and... oh yeah, no sex). Those who fail epically get quickly shut down and posted here to have an example made out of them. Be warned. Welcome to the Rude E-mail series.

Cue this guy. As usual, My personal thoughts are in parentheses and italicized.

All I receive is a huge big black cock shot. No name, no siggy, no message. Just a cock. A big, black one. Of course, this is a POV shot, because I'm sure he's quite lonely from the lack of human communication, so he likely cannot find someone to take the picture for him.

Fun fact: this is the second time he's sent a message, and the second time I turned him down. This time, I decided to push it a little bit and see if I could get him to say something particularly stupid. It took almost no prompting.

Me: Dude, we've talked about this. Unless you're looking to have Me pierce it or hurt it, we're not going to get along.

Him: I'm fine with that (really? Do come in. I'm running a castration special!)

Me: Then you know what, with all due respect, read a God damned ad before you reply to it. Said I wanted a polite respectful MESSAGE and that I wasn't interested in sex partners or personal BDSM partners outside of the adult industry or My social circles.
Him: Fuck you WHITE TRASH!!! Watch your back! Btw your blocked from this email (wow... texbook for projection, aren't ya?)
Me: Dude. It's not your race at all. Seriously. I'm not even fully white, I'm mixed. I'm just not looking to hook up with anyone. My ad pretty much says it: I'm looking to teach people or network with them because I work in S&M. For real. I got a man and he's the only one I fuck. Nothing against your race, it's just because you came off rude. I just said no to a whiteboy who also sent Me his cock shot with no message. (look at Me, I feel your plight, I misspelled "white boy" as a single word to relate to you! By the way... I am mixed, according to racial classification in the US)
Him: Fuck off! I have a man also! Wasn't even looking for sex! Good day
Me: Is that so? Let's start over then. (I'm fascinated by your strange culture of origin! I wish I lived in a place where a greeting was expressed by non-consensual flashing)
Him: For what? You already showed me your true colors? Even though I sent a dick picture I was looking for friends! Have a good one

So that was amazing. I thought I was in the Twilight Zone, and I ended up taking like... and hour to reply a single sentence, just because of how bewildered I was. Unfortunately, the rest of the conversation was him calling Me a faggot (what?) and Me being like "Buh?" No real glory there to post, I'm afraid. Just your average moron.

On a completely different note, I had a CBT and sounding session today that left Me with an interesting idea for a general post, which I'm going to toss onto FetLife as well (for those of you readers on FetLife, you know only My "proper" writings are up on there), so it's bound to be interesting...

If I don't play with you... I must not exist!

I live among illogical animals.

I'm so tired of butthurt queerboys who send Me hate mail when I tell them I'm not interested in playing with them. Seriously. I denied a really rude boy the medical scene he wanted (not only was he a complete boob, but he didn't read My info and interests), and all of a sudden, I'm a delusional fake, who has no BDSM skills, and don't exist in the public lifestyle.

Mind you, I get this hate mail the day after Aviary, one of the local play parties in the area. You know, the one where I suspend people, beat them with a sjambok, pierce them with a medkit, and generally get dangerously deviant with.

Yep.

Same party I went to last night, the one that on My way to, two boys on the subway came up to Me, said they saw My local advertisements, and wondered if I would take a picture with them.

So, delusional? No.
Unskilled? No.
Not a lifestyler? No.
Unknown locally? No.

If I deny you play, I probably have a good reason. If you inquire for a session, and then tell Me you're not going to tribute Me, I'm not going to magically stop everything to play with you just because you're hot. That's why I have personal play partners, and trust Me, they are much better looking than you, and their skill makes Me way hotter than your could ever hope to.

Testimonials and other Minutiae

Phew. I've finally finished reposting all of the main things I wanted from My now-dead Tumblr. They refuse to even answer My support e-mail. Fuckers. Anyway. I wanted to repost a couple of things as one single entry, so here it goes.

• Testimonials: all of My testimonials and reviews are archived on Facebook as well as on My Website for all to see. I didn't repost them because they can be found freely in the aforementioned places.
• Hot pics of Me with a strap-on: Sorry. You only get one. You can blame Tumblr. I don't like how the pic upload works here.

• What I want right now: I didn't repost about the things I wanted or the things I've received from appreciative visitors and fans because that's tacky. My current toys of fascination are the masturbation sleeve, as well as a new electro box and some electroconductive rubber tubing. All three can be seen on My Amazon Wishlist. Visitors who bring Me those are sure to be rewarded!
• The rude e-mail series: Sadly, I do not have those conversations any longer. So consider it a free pass. I will be restarting this series on this blog.
• My post about attending FetFest 2012: I will rewrite that and repost that eventually. I am NOT happy about having completely lost that one.
• Nick Anderson's hot short stories about Me: These can be found here, and here. Read them and follow this hot fucker.

So hopefully, things will be back and running soon. Between My Philly newspapers ads not being up and now My Tumblr crash, things have taken a bit of a blow, but I am optimistic. Ooh, and this Saturday is The Aviary! You should come meet Me if you're in the Philly area!