The Part You Throw Away

Apologies to those of you who have been worried. My life has gone completely upside down in the past week or so.

I pondered how to write something that would be clear, concise, and express exactly what I feel while protecting Me and Mine. I have not come up with a proper way of doing so.

In the past week, I have been physically assaulted as well as extorted  for over $1700 by My psychotic ex-roommate. Now, fairly, I did owe him some $850. However, the OTHER $850 come from the inability of this individual to take no for an answer.

I admit it, I stuck My dick in crazy. Funny, isn't it? I champion not sticking your dick in psychos, yet that is exactly what I did. And when I told psycho that I was not interested in him in a romantic sense, that's when shit started going down.

It all started with a phone call last Saturday, when attending a private event. Truly, the discomfort had started earlier in the week, but that's when I was faced with an ultimatum. One that I was fine with, but that forced Me to put a deadline down on monies owed. I was confident that I could come to an agreement with this crazy motherfucker. Turns out that when things got physical between us and he threatened My livelihood, as well as the life of one of My play partners and My One, I knew I had to leave, even if I didn't have an immediate place to go.

And that´s what I did. The entire situation was not only becoming psychologically and physically dangerous, but was simply getting worse by the second. I left without knowing where I would sleep that night. So right now, I am in an extremely twisted situation. I am still taking sessions, although not same-day appointments until further notice. Additionally, I will not be updating this blog or My profiles much in the next couple of weeks, perhaps even a month. I have given My website an update, including the events I will be attending, as well as My seasonal specials, but that will likely be how it remains for the rest of the month.

I will be doing bondage demos all day on July 6th, during Old City District's Inside Out. Come enjoy yourself throughout the day, and then join Me at 4:30 PM for a mini workshop: Bedroom Rope: Bondage for Sex. I will also be be joined by Echo, of EchosFire.com, who will be doing fire massage demonstrations. He will also be running his own workshop, "Art of the Fire Massage" at 7 PM.

Be sure to stop by and make Me smile, I need it.

Here are a few pointers to close things off:

1.) Don't stick your dick in crazy, much less codependent, drug-addicted crazy.
2.) When offered things of any sort, refuse them. Before you know it, you're running a tab you were unaware of.
3.) Don't stick your dick in crazy.
4.) Remember Micah 7:5 - Trust ye not in a friend, put ye not confidence in a guide: keep the doors of thy mouth from her that lieth in thy bosom.
5.) Don't stick your dick in crazy.
6.) Never forget when your loved ones are threatened. When they are, keep that close to your heart, even if your vengeance takes years to exact. Nobody touches what is Mine and gets away with it. Not for long, anyway. Tee hee!
7.) Don´t stick your dick in crazy.
8.) When the person you live with calls you an amoral sociopathic heathen, it's time to go. If they've told you that they are sending friends to drive-by your home every hour, you are too late.
9.) Don't stick your dick in crazy!!

And because no post is complete without at least a pretty picture, here is one of a recent Asylum 13. The handsome young man on the right is Echo, in fact. As of late, he's been coming to events with Me and offering his service (since I'm usually running around like a headless chicken). If you see us out together, be sure to chat him up about his excellent fire massage services! Seriously, the fellow is talented.

PS: Regarding My situation, anyone who asks Me face to face will be provided with full description and stats if they wish, to avoid the crazy fucker I just left. Trust Me, it's way easier to fall for his bullshit than you'd think. I'm the second person he's done this to in the past couple months. The first had to file a police report, and from what I understand, still does not have her property back.

Class Success! Computer Fail! Random Cuntslinging!

So guess who had a very successful rope class? That's right, I did! Thanks to all who attended. I will definitely now do a 202 class for those who attended and those wishing to learn techniques above elementary rope. Here are a couple of pictures:

As My demo, I used the lovely and lithe Katts who was a wonderful sport, even when I teased him a bit. He did very good, and I am quite proud of him. We also discussed video work together and both him and his girlfriend seemed game, so keep your eye out for some hot clips featuring a lot of beating mixed with a good bit of this:

I'm such a horrible tease. And I'm going to fuck that beautiful skinny straight boy up. Look, doesn't My collar already look perfect on him?

By the way, if you've not gone either to the First Friday demo or the rope class, you are missing out. In fact, since Kink Shoppe is not too far from Me, I'm often there just hanging out and playing with Myself a good deal. I mean, BY Myself, excuse Me. In fact, I recently did a little compilation on YouTube of different people's Vine videos which I found and put together.

As you can see, you've been missing a lot of things.

Just last night, I went to the Bike Stop, where a gentleman was celebrating his 31st birthday. Because I always have My toys with Me when I go out, I gave him a sound birthday beating. However, I went past thirty-one, because the little painslut was really loving it. After 45, I realized that another few hits might have been more than he bargained for in the morning, so I did stop. I did have a great amount of fun though, and was complimented by a few nice gentlemen on My lovely form.

It did remind Me of something that I have mentioned repeatedly, although most FetLifers know this already: if I have not felt it first, I do not dish it. I will always bottom at least once to what I top with.

In fact, on very rare occasions, when things aren't going very well for Me in the great turmoil that is My brainmeats, I will seek peace and quietude by taking pain, usually in an unusual situation or setting. This is exactly what I did on Thursday at Asylum 13, when I suspended Myself upside down and blindfolded, and let Gabriel Drax, organizer and grand pasha of flogging, beat Me with his particularly nasty dragontail. The results, as can be seen on the left, were harsh (at least for Me, who does not enjoy pain per se). But what was nice was the bit of mental peace that followed. See? This is exactly what happens when you don't follow Me around: I get half naked and writhe about like sandtrout, and you have no clue until it's too late. Oh well.

So what has My brainmeats in turmoil? A couple things. First, the computer I have been using since My own computer exploded is going back to its rightful owner. I have been using it for four months now, and it has served Me very well, but all good things must come to an end.

I do own two other computers, so I will still be posting, booking sessions, and making Myself available regularly to answer questions and fill the internet with My babble, but that is not the issue:

The camera I use to film My Carnaval Décadent videos, a Sony HVR-A1U, is not compatible with any of My current computers. Additionally, newer Macs (I edit using Final Cut Pro X and Adobe AfterEffects) do not have a proper 6-conductor Firewire alpha port to transfer My footage. To top it off, adapter cables do not work with this precise camera model. So I either need a new solid-state camera, or a Mac that still has 6-conductor alpha ports (which, if I am correct, are pre-2010). I'm not in a position right now to purchase either of those things, because quite frankly, bills need to be paid.

In short, it looks like My fetish pornography empire is not going to be as prolific as I thought. It's always one step forward and two steps back. I'm getting really fucking sick of all this bullshit which interrupts My groove.

Let's also add to that issue the fact that some pretty pernicious rumors have been started about Me, which are causing Me strife and calling My morality and motives in question. So I'll speak to two people right now publicly:

To Individual Number One: If someone claims I said something, the correct action to do is to directly come to Me an confront Me like an adult. I have no interest in lying to anyone, as that take away from My well-known neutrality. It's what I have based My entire reputation on, so trust, it's not going to shift any time soon. Also, I have quite the way with words, and those who have taken even five minutes of their lives to know Me can easily distinguish things I say from things others claim I say. I also have no interest in shitting where I eat, by the way.

This next bit is to Individual Number Two, and had no bearing on what I said to Number One: If you decide that you are going to be a negative force trying to destroy Me (either because you do not like Me or are jealous of Me), be assured that I will find you. And I will ruin every bit of your life. Your very name will be a synonym for distrust, unfaithfulness, and damage; and I will make it My personal pleasure to make sure that your very existence as an agent of anything good is destroyed, even across oceans. And if you don't think that can happen, try Me, bitch.

Yelan abo taareesak to a good portion of the scene, by the way. Before speaking, be sure that My eyes and ears are not around. It's the least you can do before digging your own grave.

I had a lovely chat with Goddess Cleo earlier today, and while I stated I did not wish to return to England just yet, I'm now really considering it: I miss London a great deal. Now that was a place where people were honest and upfront, and where social standing was based purely on skill and knowledge, not who you rub elbows with or gossip about.

Now if you will excuse Me, I have a party to get ready for and attend.

Rage

NOTE: I am suffering from extreme Top drop after a very intense scene last night, so please take this with a grain of salt. I've been displeased for some days, and quite frankly have been stewing with these thoughts.

Honestly, I'll not be getting to that article I was going to write. I don't care to.

I was just betrayed by someone I considered a good friend. One of My best, in fact. Because I have to be in a semi-work environment with her already, I am unhappy.

I pride Myself in not talking shit about people. If I have a problem with you, I'll tell you before I tell others (yes, I still will probably tell others, but I'll always let you know first that I don't like you). I behave with such cold and calculating logic, and it's always served Me well.

The reason I do this is because I have an incredible hate for sophomoric behavior. I did not like high school then, and I do not like high school now. When people around Me start behaving like they are in high school, I am so completely disgusted that I actually get physically ill.

I am sick of busting My ass and being unappreciated (haha, look at Me blogging about My issues like a high-schooler, IRONY!). Over the past year back in Philadelphia from London, I have met a ridiculous amount of people.

Quite frankly, I don't like most of you. Not all of you, but a good bit of you.

I feel constantly that I am surrounded by a whole bunch of needy children, who really do not give a fuck about My well-being either way, as long as they can get what they want from Me. From leads which I bust My ass getting, to personal friends who are only interested in My opinion or thoughts when they can get a play-date out of Me, to colorful weekly hate mail (mind you, I only post the stellar ones here). I'm constantly running around and doing things, and as fabulous as My life seems, I bust My ass. For nothing.

A call from a recent friend made it clear: I'm trying to be in too many places at once, with too many people who need Me. I need to revise who I consider My friends, and who I consider useless in My life.

I'm sick of having to "play the game." I'm sick of having to smile through gritted teeth at community leaders who have sexually abused some of My friends. I'm sick of boys who are so sexually frustrated that they don't see Me as anything else but a piece of meat, and of girls who think I'm going to whisk them away from their humdrum vanilla lives like some Disney prince.

Respect. It's not that complicated. I ask for respect for My time and respect for My person. It's one of My Ten Commandments. It shouldn't be so difficult. But of course, people are too concerned about themselves these days. Can't be bothered to utter a single politeness.

I've already cut several public events and parties out of My schedule. It used to be that I would show up because I wanted to relax and hang with friends. Nowadays, a lot of these events are Me running like a chicken without it's head, making plans and play dates, and trying to please everyone. At the end of the night, I have no actual fun, and whatever I've done doesn't guarantee a visitor to My dungeon. Yet like an idiot, I return, to keep this completely fictional idea of an "image" up.

I first got involved in fetish in BDSM because it all seemed so revolutionary and life-giving to Me. Imagine! Surrounded by people who were unashamed of their desires, and open about them. A world where the limits could be set where I wanted them to be set, where each play date was a complex neurochemical exchange that could only be called "magical."

No-one told Me that it was also a community of backstabbing gossip queens. "Did you hear what so-and-so did at such-and-such?" No-one told Me there were people that were "preferred" or whose opinions "mattered more" because of their position. Hell, I always thought people should be judged on their own merits, not by their ridiculous accomplishments or social circles. How incredibly silly of Me.

I play by the book. When it comes to actual BDSM interactions, I use basic science and research to back Myself up so I don't fuck up, or fuck My partners up. Sure, it's not always perfect and failsafe, but I try. I'm still just human. I try to always help out newcomers and as long as the basic rules of interaction that I set are followed, will go quite far for them. I've never been accused of consent violations (though I have been accused of "assholism" once or twice). I try to defend those that show promise, and deflect those that would damage others.

It seems like all of this would be enough. Not in the scene. Here, it's all about "oh, well who do you know? How long have you been doing this?" Newsflash, folks: this used to be a way for kinksters to be able to vet one another and keep each other safe. This wasn't a social model to follow. Because I can name players who have been in the local scene for over 25 years who have had major consent violations, bordering on sexual assault. Actually, wait, no... when you stick something of yours into someone's holes after they said "no," that's not bordering on anything. That's rape. So I know a rapist or five.

Expose them? I tried. Results? "Oh no! I know so-and-so! He could have never done that, because I played with him once at a public party five years ago! Oh, and he wrote all these books/articles/Writings! You must be mistaken. It's OK. You're more of a newcomer, you don't know better."

Really? How long you've been doing this is completely irrelevant if you started off with erroneous knowledge. Being a 25-year veteran of the flogger means nothing if you take advantage of your submissives' gifts.

To return to what the "issue" I recently went through was, apparently, a very good friend of mine has had a poison whispering to her, and has accused Me of that exact behavior. The exchange. paraphrased, went like this:

Me: Something happened. I'm telling you because I want you to be safe.
Her: Oh, who pissed in who's cereal now?
Me: Like I'd give a shit. It's not about a feud, it's about abuse of power.
Her: Of course it is. You need to stop talking shit, because one of my friends who's really high up in the scene said you were saying things about me. So watch who you talk to, I don't need two-faced backstabbers in my life.
Me: Buh?

I still have no idea what exactly I supposedly said, and have not been given a chance to confront My accuser. I will gladly admit to any wrongdoing and any shit-talking, as I do have a big mouth, but I can't for the life of Me even think of what I could have said. I never take parts in feuds. I never have, and I never will. I will listen to both sides of the argument, and advise if it is needed, but I am a God-damned beacon of neutrality. For fuck's sake, I have recommended clients to My competition, at times. I am glad, however, that My friend decided to listen to someone else's opinion of Me, instead of confronting Me directly with an accusation. But I guess it's OK. They're "high up in the scene." Am I the only one who sees how amazingly retarded that statement is?

(If you have a problem with the fact that I used the expression "retarded," grow up. Social standing isn't determined by how politically correct I can be either)

I just needed a bit of space to vent. Currently, I am being much stricter and more reserved on FetLife, as well as with the conversations I choose to partake in, online and in real-life. I am limiting My play to the dungeon, and only to My closest partners. Those who wish to find Me can do so relatively with ease. But I'm no longer putting out the effort. You fucked it up for yourselves.

An interesting sidenote, while discussing things with kinksters I've known around the globe, this problem of catty, gossipy behavior and backstabbing is not spread scene-wide. It seems to have a particular penchant for some scenes, Philadelphia being one of them. I defended this place back when someone from the West Coast said that we were a joke big enough that even other cities had noticed.

I'm starting to agree with them.

Manners: They Count, or How to Cancel (repost 08/10/12)

As you already know from My first post, My Tumblr account was shut down just recently. I am trying to get it back up, but I have little faith in Tumblr, and so I quickly decided to repost all of the major articles and writings that I have a backup for right here on My BlogSpot, so that newcomers may read them if they choose to. 

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A few days ago, several boysluts lacked the balls to call to cancel their appointments with me, and have grossly wasted My time. How have I dealt with them? Simple: I have banned them from the dungeon and refuse their out-calls.

So why am I writing this? Simple. A boy made an appointment yesterday for a session this weekend. Earlier this evening, I received a message from him, profusely apologizing and telling me he was not going to be able to make it in to his session. I think he expected Me to chastise him for wasting My time.

I did not.

If anything, his dedication and politeness showed Me that he was genuine and that his apology was sincere. I thanked him for letting Me know in advance, and invited him to reschedule his session at his convenience.

As I said, I have no issue if you cancel your appointment with Me, as long as you do so in advance. Doing so shows sincerity and politeness.

One small detail: If you cancel your session with Me three times, I will ask you for a $50 non-refundable GreenDot deposit if you choose to rebook a fourth time. I can understand a single cancellation. Hell, even a second one. Things happen. But a third time makes me doubt your dedication and respect for My time.

My Ten Commandments (repost 07/09/12)

As you already know from My first post, My Tumblr account was shut down just recently. I am trying to get it back up, but I have little faith in Tumblr, and so I quickly decided to repost all of the major articles and writings that I have a backup for right here on My BlogSpot, so that newcomers may read them if they choose to.

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These are My Ten Commandments if you wish to come see Me. I had been toying around with the idea of writing My own list of rules and requirements for sessions so that everyone could see. Most are simple and common sense, but it seems that people are idiots. Failure to abide by these rules will result in the incursion of My wrath. Repeated transgressions will result in My throwing you out of the dungeon.

1. Honesty: You MUST tell the truth at all times, even if you can not or will not follow a direct order. Even if I will “never know that you are lying.” First of all, I will know. Second of all, trust can not be based on lies, and will never be fulfilling if it is. I am not a part of your outside world. I am part of your inner world, and I demand absolute honesty and truthfulness from you. What you say remains with Me.
2. Obedience: I am in charge and that means you must follow My orders. A servant’s heart means that My will is more important than your own and My pleasure comes before your own. Does it hurt? The answer is not important. Are you obeying Me? That is the question you should ask yourself.
3. Respect: I am Sir Brian. Never dude, man, bud, etc. Never fail to address Me properly before speaking to Me or at the beginning of a communication. My preferred form of address is “Sir,” and I reserve “Master” exclusively for those who train under Me, and then, it is still their choice whether to call Me “Sir” or “Master.” You will answer questions clearly, maintain proper posture, and ask permission to speak.
4. Gratitude: Always say thank you. If I punish you, thank Me. If I reward you, thank Me. If I speak to you, thank Me. You are thankful for everything that I give to you and everything that I take from you. Show it.
5. Control: If I see you more than once, we will establish rituals and individual rules for you. They may include what you can wear, how and when you contact Me, or even tasks outside of your time with Me.
6. Chastity: I am a professional Dominant, as well as a lifestyler. My lifestyle choices are My own. I prefer to keep My submissives in chastity during their time with Me, but I understand some things are limits for everyone. I still expect chastity from you. I will never “get you off” or tolerate your open sexual desire for Me. You are not to fantasize about Me, unless it be to realize what you will never be worthy to have.
7. Worship: To you, I am a god. That means I expect to be worshiped. How do you worship Me? You praise Me, you obey Me, you learn how to please Me, you follow and don’t try to lead, you communicate with Me, you tribute Me, you are humble, loyal, dedicated, and respectful.
8. Loyalty: I expect you to communicate fully openly with Me. Tell Me what is going on in your life, who you are meeting, and what you feel. Have no secrets. Do not hide things from Me you think I do not wish to hear. “Thou shall have no other gods before Me,” I think is the phrase I am looking for. And as such, I wish to know everything there is to know about you.
9. Attentiveness: Your attentiveness will show you are worthy. This spans a lot of things, from knowing this list of rules and be able to recite them, to knowing how I like My coffee (handed to Me… not I’m not joking, but for reference, I like it with 2-3 sugar substitutes and cream) to having proper spelling, grammar, and sentence if you communicate with Me through writing. Unintentional occasional mild spelling errors will likely be overlooked, but I won’t have written communication with someone who cannot string a sentence together, is functionally illiterate, gives one-word answers, or seems unable of having an intelligent thought process.
10. Release: If I am regularly training you, and you wish to be released, you will ask respectfully to be released. You will understand that as long as you are under My control, you give up your right to decide to just walk away. If I determine that the problem can not be sufficiently resolved, I will allow your release. However, a good faith effort will be required from you. A two-week “trial separation” period in which you are making the effort to stick it out must take place before it. During this time you must consider why you want to be released, and prepare Me a two-page writing telling Me these reasons. If at the end of two weeks, you are still certain, come in for a final session, hand Me your writing, and you will have your release.