Fuck you, fish boy!

No, this is not My Christmas post yet. But it was awesome and I wanted to share. This was in response to one of My ads, not in any type of chat. Too good.

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Him: Hey

Me: Congratulations. Three letters. Quite an achievement when I asked for a detailed introductory message. Would you like to try again?

Him: my fetish is feet send me a pic of yours

Me: I don't give a flying fuck what your fetish is unless you can come up with a respectful introduction, something I asked for.
I have size 12 feet, and pics are available online if one knows where to look. I don't have to send you anything or do anything if I don't feel like it, especially if I find you to be rude, which I do. Again, try being polite, something I ask for in My ad, and you'll find Me much more accommodating.
Regards,
-Sir Brian

Him: fuck you, fish boy

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BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I have no idea what just happened there.

Rude E-mail #05792 - I sent you a picture of my cock because I'm looking for friends!

This was almost too good. I want to frame this one. It's a pity My previous blog was shut down with no ability to regain most of My previous posts (FUCK YOU, TUMBLR!). Because this has to be one of the crowning achievements of advertising response, and I wish it could join the ranks with the rest of them. However, this is the first "Rude Email" series post I do, so I'm actually also quite happy it's this excellent.

I post ads everywhere. In all of My ads, I specify that I'm looking for visitors to My dungeons or people to teach. I also specify no organic sexual contact, usually three times in My ad, to be sure there is no confusion. My ad is clear, concise about what I expect (an attempt at proper writing, a polite approach, and... oh yeah, no sex). Those who fail epically get quickly shut down and posted here to have an example made out of them. Be warned. Welcome to the Rude E-mail series.

Cue this guy. As usual, My personal thoughts are in parentheses and italicized.

All I receive is a huge big black cock shot. No name, no siggy, no message. Just a cock. A big, black one. Of course, this is a POV shot, because I'm sure he's quite lonely from the lack of human communication, so he likely cannot find someone to take the picture for him.

Fun fact: this is the second time he's sent a message, and the second time I turned him down. This time, I decided to push it a little bit and see if I could get him to say something particularly stupid. It took almost no prompting.

Me: Dude, we've talked about this. Unless you're looking to have Me pierce it or hurt it, we're not going to get along.

Him: I'm fine with that (really? Do come in. I'm running a castration special!)

Me: Then you know what, with all due respect, read a God damned ad before you reply to it. Said I wanted a polite respectful MESSAGE and that I wasn't interested in sex partners or personal BDSM partners outside of the adult industry or My social circles.
Him: Fuck you WHITE TRASH!!! Watch your back! Btw your blocked from this email (wow... texbook for projection, aren't ya?)
Me: Dude. It's not your race at all. Seriously. I'm not even fully white, I'm mixed. I'm just not looking to hook up with anyone. My ad pretty much says it: I'm looking to teach people or network with them because I work in S&M. For real. I got a man and he's the only one I fuck. Nothing against your race, it's just because you came off rude. I just said no to a whiteboy who also sent Me his cock shot with no message. (look at Me, I feel your plight, I misspelled "white boy" as a single word to relate to you! By the way... I am mixed, according to racial classification in the US)
Him: Fuck off! I have a man also! Wasn't even looking for sex! Good day
Me: Is that so? Let's start over then. (I'm fascinated by your strange culture of origin! I wish I lived in a place where a greeting was expressed by non-consensual flashing)
Him: For what? You already showed me your true colors? Even though I sent a dick picture I was looking for friends! Have a good one

So that was amazing. I thought I was in the Twilight Zone, and I ended up taking like... and hour to reply a single sentence, just because of how bewildered I was. Unfortunately, the rest of the conversation was him calling Me a faggot (what?) and Me being like "Buh?" No real glory there to post, I'm afraid. Just your average moron.

On a completely different note, I had a CBT and sounding session today that left Me with an interesting idea for a general post, which I'm going to toss onto FetLife as well (for those of you readers on FetLife, you know only My "proper" writings are up on there), so it's bound to be interesting...

Sir vs. Master (repost 08/20/12)

As you already know from My first post, My Tumblr account was shut down just recently. I am trying to get it back up, but I have little faith in Tumblr, and so I quickly decided to repost all of the major articles and writings that I have a backup for right here on My BlogSpot, so that newcomers may read them if they choose to. 

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During My journey, I’ve met several types of people, and each has their own protocol and manner. Being pretty laid back (am I?), I am not extremely strict on how protocol is performed. However, there is one detail I like to emphasize.

I’ve already mentioned in My Ten Commandments that My preferred form of address is “Sir,” as opposed to “Master.” I wanted to clarify a bit on that, and why I have that requirement.

As defined by a dictionary, the first five definitions of the word are as follows:

1. a person with the ability or power to use, control, or dispose of something
2. an owner of a slave, animal, etc.
3. an employer of workers or servants.
4. the male head of a household.
5. a person eminently skilled in something, as an occupation,art, or science

I am going out on a limb, but I assume most people who desire to call Me “Master” wish to do so out of respect inspired from Definition 1. However, I interpret “Master” as being defined almost exclusively by Definition 5.

I believe that anyone My age who calls themselves “eminently skilled” might be cause for concern. In My eyes, “Master” means that there is little more to learn. It means that I consider Myself above others automatically. Now, I believe very strongly in My skills. But I am humbled by the people who I meet who are much more experienced than Myself. I call them “Master” or “Mistress,” because in My eyes, their skills are worthy of such a title. I feel that every day is a step forward in learning and growth. Therefore, as a rule, I don’t tend to like being called “Master” Myself, unless I am being addressed by someone regularly training under Me.

I am partial to “Sir” and “Boss,” depending on My mood. Both of them define respect, as opposed to superiority. And I love respect.

I’m less fond of complete doormats.